are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
