He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
