Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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