Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
