it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
