the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
