He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
