I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
