i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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