I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
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The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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