it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You are a genius and a whore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
