You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
