I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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