I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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