Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
