The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
