When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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