He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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