She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize