I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
