you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
