Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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