Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
