It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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