you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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