I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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