i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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