1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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