similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
