True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
