Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
