textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
