if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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