Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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