There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
