We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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