Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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