i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
