Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
