i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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