he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
