who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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