Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
