No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
