u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
