you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
