i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
