Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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