I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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