Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
