I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
