I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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