I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize