Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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