Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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