They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
