I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize