so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
