so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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