if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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