My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
