Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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