have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
