i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
