I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize