trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
