apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
