Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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