i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
