And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
