There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
