You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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