i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
