i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
