Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
